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Work and Live in United Arab of Emirates وظائف خالية بالامارات ، تاشرة عمل الامارات

اشترك في الجروب دة على ضمنتى

السبت، 10 نوفمبر 2012 - - 0 Comments


دعوة للناس اللى بتحب المعلومات العامة انها تشترك في الجروب دة - فية معلومات مميزة جدا

http://www.facebook.com/groups/makontesha3rafenn/

Nokat

الأربعاء، 3 فبراير 2010 - - 0 Comments












 

 

راجل قام من النوم علي صوت زعيق
سأل الجيران ايه اللي حصل
قالو له المياه مسممه،
مراته صحيت
سألته: في ايه؟
قالها:مفيش حاجه
إشربي ونامي


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واحد مسطول اتصل بالشرطة وقالهم يعني لو احنا مسألناش انتوا ما تسألوش


------------ ------

صعيدي جاله مسج حلو إنبسط وضحك
إتصل باللي بعتهاوقاله: والنبي تبعتها تاني


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صعيدي خلف بنت الساعه3 الفجر.دبحها وقال معنديش بنات تيجي بعدنص الليل


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واحد صعيدي شاف واحده حلوه فى الاتوبيس عجبته لما نزل خد رقم الأتوبيس


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فارسكران نام جنب قطه ميته لمافاق قال أنا عارف نفسي لما اسكر بفتري


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بخيل حلم إنه بيوزع فلوسه علي الفقراء،
لما صحي قال أبقي عيل لو نمت تاني


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إتنين مساطيل
واحد سأل التانى
إنت أقرع ليه
قاله من الزمن
قاله بلاش تحلق
عنده تانى


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غبي راح يخطب واحدةأبوها قاله
البنت لسه في المدرسه قاله خلاص آجي بالليل


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مسطول قاعد يمتحن جاله سؤال ضع (إن) في جمله كتب: اشتريت تليفون إن سبعين


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موبايل بيقول لشريحته انتي طالق قالتلوه يخرب بيتك ورصيدك أللي فبطني


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خروف بيقول لمعزة
باء.باء.باء.باءبحبك
فالمعزة قالتله
ماء.ماء.مخطوبه


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عريس مسطول على الآخر في يوم فرحه
..
بعد
المعازيم ما مشيو دخل البيت لقي العروس قاعده..
قال
: والله أنا كنت عارف في الهيصه دي حينسوا حد !

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واحدةماشيةمع
حبيبهابتقوله قولى كلمةتخلى قلبى يدق قالهاأبوكى ماشى ورانا

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عروسة هبلة دخلت فرحها تجري قالولها بتجري ليه قالت علشان احجز كرسي


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واحد قبل ما يموت جمع ولادة التلاتة وحب يوصيهم
يفضلوا ايد واحدة واعطى لكبيرهم عود خشب كسره بسهولة اعطاه اثنين كسرهم بسهولة اعطاه خمسين عود كسرهم بسهولة قالهم طالما معاكم البغل ده مفيش خوف عليكم


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داخل مستشفى للمجانين
الدكتور للمريض:اسمك ايه؟
المريض:انا ابن نابليون بونابرت
سابه الدكتور وسال مريض تاني مين ده
المريض الثاني :ده ابن نابليون بونابرت
الدكتور بص شاف واحد مش مقتنع بالكلام فساله
الدكتور:هوده فعلا ابن نابليون بونابرت
المريض:كداب طبعا ده لا ابني ولا اعرفه


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اتصل مندوب التعداد في أحد البيوت هاتفيا وقال ألو : هل أنت من أهل البيت ؟ فرد عليه الرجل : لا أنا من عامة المسلمين
...



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اثنين
خرجو من الامتحان واحد بيقول للثانى : عملت ايه فى الامتحان قاله : اسكت سبت الورقه فاضيه قاله : الله يخرب بيتك ها يفتكرونا غاشين من بعض



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مرة
10 صعابده بيلعبوا على الطريق الصحراوى واللي تخبطه العربية مرتين يطلع برة اللعبة

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اتنين مساطيل حبوا يسرقوا عماره فقالوا لبعض احنا ناخد العمارة بعيد ونسرقها برحتنا ، فقلعوا الهدوم وقعدوا يزقوا فى العمارة يزقوا ، جه واحد من وراهم وسرق الهدوم ، فواحد منهم بص ورا ملقاش الهدوم فقال له كفاية كدة احنا بعدنا اوى


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تلاتة بلدياتنا راكبين قطار واحد طلع راسه من الشباك جا قطار فى الاتجاه المعاكس طيرها. الثانى طلع ايده جا قطار وطيرها قعد يسرخ و يصوت الثالث قال أخوك راسه طارت ماسمعناش صوته وانت اًُُُُلى ايدك طارت عامل دوشه
!!!!!!!

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مراهق
قعد على القهوة مع أبوه نادى القهوجي على جنب وقالو بصوت واطي هاتلي واحد بيرة بس حطه فى فنجان شاي علشان أبويا مايخدش باله فصاح القهوجي وقال وعندك واحد بيره فى فنجان شاي وصلحووووووووووووو

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بلدياتنا سافر امريكا واصحابه نصحوه ياخد معاه 3 زلع مش علشان الاكل الامريكانى مش حلال بس نبهوه يسمى قبل ما ياكل احسن الشيطان ياكل معاه.اول شهر اكل اول زلعة بس نسى يسمى، تانى شهر برضه نسى يسمى، ثالث شهر طلع له الشيطان قال له:"ابوس ايدك  سمى، صدرى اتحرق



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lovelessons sends a teddy

الأربعاء، 27 يناير 2010 - - 0 Comments

lovelessons has sent you a teddy

lovelessons
To accept this gift please click the following link:

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lovelessons

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George Bush

الأحد، 24 يناير 2010 - - 0 Comments






 

While visiting India, George Bush is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with
intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says
Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,

"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:

Your mother has a child,
and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister.
Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds,
"It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs
up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.

I'll definitely be using that!"
>

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides
he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer... Finally,
in desperation,
Rice calls

Colin Powell
and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"


Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."


Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims,

"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!

It's our Colin Powell!"


And Bush replies in disgust,
"Wrong,

it's Manmohan Singh!"
 

 

 






YOUR PENDING PAYMENT

- - 0 Comments

THE UNITED NATIONS ORGANIZATION
In Conjunction with the International Monetary Fund
WORLD BANK FACT-FINDING & SPECIAL DUTIES OFFICE
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.


Dear Beneficiary,

The United Nations' Fact Finding & Special Duties Office, hereby receives your payment with reference number #.UNO/WBO/LM-09-504 amounting to US$10,000,000.00 (Ten Million United States Dollars) with accrued interest. This office was set up to fight against scam and fraudulent activities worldwide, responsible for investigating the legitimacy of unpaid contract, inheritance and lotto winning claims by companies and individuals and directs the paying authorities worldwide to make immediate payment of verified claims to the beneficiaries without further delay, your said payment is being arranged in a Security-proof box weighing 75kg padded with synthetic nylon (US$100 Bills). According to information gathered from the bank's security computer we were notified that you have waited long enough to receive this payment without success, we also confirmed that you have met all statutory requirements in respect of your pending payment.

This is to congratulate you and officially inform you that your over due payment has been approved for immediate payment by direct cash delivery in your country.

This new method of payment was personal approved because of the fraudulent practices going on in our Apex Bank and most of our Global Payment Centers which have failed to carry out their duties effectively. All you need to do now is to forward immediately the following information:

1) Your Full name and delivery address

2) Direct phone number (Cell phone preferably) and fax number (If any)

3) Age, Sex and Occupation (For application process of the Non residential Tax papers)

Before the departure of your trunk box, we shall process your non-residential tax certificate which will prove that you are the rightful beneficiary of the fund; it will also clear you from tax payment on your contract fund upon the arrival of the cargo.

Note, our commercial Attache / Diplomat will contact you upon the arrival of your consignment before the delivery to your contact address where you will sign the recipient invoice and produce your identification before they hand over your cargo to you.

We wait your response accordingly.

Yours faithfully,

David Ferdinand
Director, Cash Payment Dept.

(a joke ); HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB?

الثلاثاء، 19 يناير 2010 - - 0 Comments









 
 


HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB?
إزاي توظف الشخص المناسب في المكان المناسب


Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.

حط 100 طوبة في مكان مهم في غرفة مغلقة وشباك مفتوح


Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.

وبعدين ابعت 2 أو 3 من المرشحين للوظيفة للغرفة وبعدين اقفل الباب


Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.

سيبهم لوحدهم وبعدين تعالى تاني بعد 6 ساعات وحلل موقفهم


If they are counting the Bricks.
Put them in the
Accounts Department.
لو هم قعدوا يعدوا الطوب حطهم في
الحسابات


If they are recounting them..
Put them in
Auditing ..
لو هم عدوا الطوب وبيراجعوا العد حطهم في
المراجعة


If they have messed up the whole place with the Bricks.
Put them in
Engineering.
لو هم بعتروا الطوب في الاوضة كلها يبقوا
مهندسين


If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in
Planning.
لو هم رصوا الطوب بشكل غريب في الاوضة حطهم في
التخطيط


If they are throwing the Bricks at each other.

Put them in
Operations .
لو قعدوا يرموا الطوب على بعض حطهم في
العمليات


If they are sleeping.
Put them in
security.
لو ناموا حطهم في
الامن


If they have broken the Bricks into pieces.
Put them in
Information Technology.
لو كسروا الطوب كله لقطع صغيرة يبقوا من
مركز المعلومات


If they are sitting idle.
Put them in
Human Resources.
لو قعدوا مابيعملوش حاجة يبقوا في
الموارد البشرية


If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in
sales.
لو قالوا انهم حاولوا بكل الطرق بس الطوب زي ماهو ماتحركش

يبقوا من المبيعات


If they have already left for the day.
Put them in
Marketing...
لو قاعدين مستنيين باقي اليوم يبقوا في
التسويق


If they are staring out of the Window.
Put them on
Strategic Planning..
لو قاعدين يبصوا من الشباك يبقوا في
التخطيط طويل المدى


And then last but not leas t.


If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.

وأخيراً وليس أخراً لو قاعدين يتكلموا مع بعض ومافيش طوبة اتحركت

Congratulate them and put them
In
Top management

يبقى تهنيهم وتحطهم في الادارة العليا

 

CONFIDANT NEEDED

- - 0 Comments

Barrister Roger Scott
33 Bedford Row
London
WC1R 4JH
DX 75 Chancery Lane.

Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Roger Scott,an attorney with the above mentioned chambers in the United Kingdom, a personal attorney/confidant to Late Mr.Christian Eich.On Monday,28th July,

1995,I was appointed as a personal attorney/confidant to Mr.Christian Eich,(Late) an engineer who ran a carmaker BMW's museum and Business man of international repute.

Late Christian Eich before his death made a Deposit (Fixed) valued at Ј9,000,000.00 GBP ($14,651,648.38 USD) for twenty four(24) calendar months in one of the banks

here in the UNITED KINGDOM (Name witheld).Upon Maturity,the bank sent me a routine notification as his personal Attorney to present any of late Mr.Christian Eich NEXT

OF KIN or extented family since Christian Eich,57, his wife Andrea Eich,38, and their children Katharina,8, and Maximilian, 10,and entire family all perished in the

jet which crashed on Monday, 31 July 2000 into the Hotelissimo.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

After further investigation,been his personal Attorney/confidant, i discovered that his only Next of Kin were his wife Andrea and both kids who were also involved in

the crash.I also discovered that Late Mr.Late Christian Eich did not declare any other next of kin or relatives in all his official documents, including his Bank

Deposit paper work here in my custody except his wife Andrea and Kids who are all involved in the plane crash.
The total sum, Ј9,000,000.00 MILLION POUNDS ($14,651,648.38 US DOLLARS) is still in the bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of

each year.
All efforts to trace and locate any of his extended family proved abortive and in accordance with my country's banking laws and constitution guiding the banking

institution stated that after the expiration of 10(Ten)Years, if no body or person comes for the claim as the next of kin, such money will be revert to the Government

treasury if nobody applies as the next of Kin to claim the fund. Consequently, It is upon this respect, I SEEK TO PRESENT YOU AS THE FOREIGN PARTNER TO STAND IN AS

THE NEXT OF KIN to the late Mr.Christian Eich since no one will come up for the claim.

There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are going to adopt a legalized method and I will prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe

utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue,however I would like to be sure of your willingness, trustworthiness and commitment to execute this transaction

with me,I cannot afford to compromise these virtues.

Considering the money involved,it is necessary for me to be sure of the person to whom I will be entrusting this transaction,my trust is not given out lightly, I need

to be convinced that you are a matured person with some intergrity.Furthermore, if we follow up this transaction diligently it would be completed within 8 working

days.

What I expect from you is trust and commitment, I want this large sum of money transferred with your assistance into your country.
Upon acceptance of this proposal and as we progress i shall send to you by mail all the necessary documents as well as detailed information on how this deal would be

carried out,SO WE CAN INVEST IT FOR BOTH OF US IN YOUR COUNTRY UNDER YOUR WATCHFUL EYES.

I hope to hear from you as soon as possible as regarding your interest.

Kindest Regards,
Barr. Roger Scott.